The Thread you can all ignore Brazil, Brazil, Brazil.

[Guest]

That is almost as long as some of Mac's posts...

It’s amazing what you can accomplish with AI and a random word generator.

[Macunaima]

Aw, Bill! You say the sweetest things!

[Hermit]

You have to laugh at this one:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/ ... -rodrigues

Top quote from it:

Rodrigues offered no immediate explanation for the contents of his underwear, but denied wrongdoing, hinting that rivals were trying to sully his name.

He should worry more about the sullied notes he rammed up his arse. Would they still be legal tender, Mac?

[The Jim Jones Cocktail Hour]

Beat me to it.


Did nobody tell Chico Rodrigues that the worldwide toilet paper crisis was over? The detail about Chico wedging the wad so far up his arse that some over the notes were covered in shit was priceless.

[The Jim Jones Cocktail Hour]

Funnily enough in Brazil banks and a lot of businesses get very sniffy about torn, crumpled or stained notes and sometimes won’t accept them. Which is slightly odd given the number of torn, crumpled and stained notes circulating, particularly the ones in smaller denominations. Personally speaking, I’d hold reservations about notes caked in shit. Personally speaking I’d hold reservations about accepting any bill that had passed through the hands of Bolsonaro or one of his allies, it’s bound to be tainted with something, likely blood.

Don’t worry though, Chico is just upholding a long observed Brazilian tradition. If you get the chance, google PC Farias. PC was the spitting image of Chico Fernandes and an illustrative example of how things sometimes don’t turn out well for such folk.

[Macunaima]

The Federal Police busted Chico with 500,000 reais in 200 real bills shoved up his asshole (and presumably well into his lower intestine). That’s 2500 dollar-sized pieces of paper. It's a considerably large-sized wad of cash.

How in the hell did Chico get it all in there?

At some point, Hizzonor, the Right Dignified Senator of the Republic Rodrigues, had to have been bent over a table with someone behind him, slathering up his cornhole with a non-petroleum-based intimate lubricant. That's a given. But that still doesn't answer the question of who did the work?

It's not a job "da wife" or a security mook would likely have much practice with, amIrite?

Here in Brazil, sex work is described as work by our national labor code (the CBO), which was created in consultation with old whores like Lourdes Barreto, Gabriela Leite, and Diana Soares. Those ladies made sure that, in the section detailing the labor involved, a whole host of care, service, and professional activities were listed, such as "washing miners' clothes", "giving psychological support", "family counseling", and so on.

It's not just sex, right? All old whores know that, in many ways, sex is the smallest part of the profession.

Ana Paula and I have been mulling over this whole thing for a day now. We've come to the conclusion that unless Bozo's krewe has a proctologist on retainer for just these sorts of situations (always a possibility with this government), there's only one sort of professional they could've called in, at a moment's notice, to help ol' Chico out.

We'd like to salute that old whore for a job well done under what must have been very difficult circumstances.

[Macunaima]

The jokes write themselves, don’t they?

“500,000 reais?! Do you think I can pull that sort of money out of my asshole...?!”

[Guest]

You have to laugh at this one:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/ ... -rodrigues

Top quote from it:

Rodrigues offered no immediate explanation for the contents of his underwear, but denied wrongdoing, hinting that rivals were trying to sully his name.

He should worry more about the sullied notes he rammed up his arse. Would they still be legal tender, Mac?

“The anals of history.”
I assume that’s a bi-lingual joke. It works both ways? Marvelous.

[The Jim Jones Cocktail Hour]

Yep, anal works across both tongues, at which point I believe it’s called ‘rimming’.

Actually, I was thinking of those puppet mobiles of footballers that were popular in Brazil a decade or so back. You know the ones, two crude stick figures in opposing team colours, you could hang from the ceiling, with one jamming a stick up the other’s arse. Remarkably popular in Bahia, at one point there was someone selling one on every fucking corner in Salvador. Maybe Chico drew his inspiration from there?

I see the President’s nephew has resigned from Chico’s employ. Purely coincidental of course and an entirely independent decision. Rats and sinking ships?

The sad aspect to what would otherwise be a mirth fest is that the reason for the raid that had him bunging reais up his arse is his role in ripping R$20 million from the public purse, intended to combat Covid-19.

Oh well, at least the footy is going well.

[Hermit]

The sad aspect to what would otherwise be a mirth fest is that the reason for the raid that had him bunging reais up his arse is his role in ripping R$20 million from the public purse, intended to combat Covid-19.

Maybe his excuse is that having an "arse wallet" somehow protects him from Covid.

Do they have pinatas in Brazil? I can imagine what some are going to look like after this, and where the sweets are going to fall from when they're hit.