Wank horror films

Discussion of cinematic genius and disaster past and present, with a twist of froth.

Moderator: FU!UK Committee

Wank horror films

Postby Steders » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:18 am

Not films to tug yourself off to, just borderline rubbish. Here is some of the stuff I've been watching
(FF is found footage not foot fetish)
The Lost Coast tapes (FF)
Bunch of unlikable cunts fuck off into the wilderness to look for bigfoot. Tries to be Trollhunter (which is great). Fails
Yellowbrick Road (FF)
Bunch of unlikable cunts fuck off into wilderness to find out what happened to the population of a town that disappeared. Interesting but ultimately unfulfilling
Blood Glacier
German version of the Thing (sort of). Its ok, the biggest problem for me was that the lead character is such a fucking idiot. McCready in the thing is a drunk who dials it up to ten when the shit gets real, just the sort of person you want when there is an Alien trying to kill you. The hero in this film is a fucking Tool.
The Last Shift
Enjoyed this, a rookie cop is given the last shift to cover a police station that's closing down, stuff happens. Not without some problems but overall not bad.
Last Stop
Bunch of unlikable cunts fuck off into wilderness for a college reunion. They start to disappear. intriguing start that falls apart quickly. Has more than a passing resemblance to a very popular Dr Who story. Not awful, not great. Only actor I recognised was an Umbrella merc from Resident Evil 2.
The Dyatlov Pass incident (FF)
Based on a real event (A group of Russians were found dead in the wilderness, but the real explanation is very mundane). Film makers go into wilderness to try and find out what happened. They do. They get fucked up. I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. Certainly much better than most FF films. I liked the ending as well
The Pact
Woman goes home to see what happened to her sister, things happen
Loads of holes in this one. Some interesting parts but doesn't really gel together
Borderlands (FF)
British film, Lovecraftian feel. Some bad things happen in a country church. The Vatican sends a team to investigate. Bad things happen. Acting is ok, there are some interesting ideas in there though and would make an interesting Strange Aeons scenario.
The Corridor
Bunch of unlikable cunts fuck off into wilderness for a college reunion. Find a shiny thing, it all goes South. Bit disjointed to be honest.
Absentia
I really liked this film. A husband has been missing for 7 years, his wife is having him declared in Abesntia, her sister comes to stay to help her through it.
Real slow burner, great mood and atmosphere. VERY Lovecraft. Definitely worth watching if you like mood over gore.
It Follows
Awesome. Young woman has sex with a bloke he passes on an evil spirit. I really enjoyed it, great mood, great music. It shouldn't be on this list its so good.
User avatar
Steders
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 10:22 pm

Re: Wank horror films

Postby --- » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:36 am

Cool, Goatboy, cool 8)
---
Committee Member
 
Posts: 6694
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:20 am

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Bronshtein » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:48 am

Never seen any of these.
What do I do with my life? :?
Heard of Blood Glacier, but can't imagine for the life of me why.

You do realise I might have to watch some of this crap now don't you?
:evil:
User avatar
Bronshtein
 
Posts: 7236
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:53 am
Location: The Promised Land

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Steders » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:53 am

I've got about another half dozen to watch. I pick them up on amazon when they drop below a pound. I actually paid real money for It follows, about £3.50.
User avatar
Steders
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 10:22 pm

Re: Wank horror films

Postby --- » Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:54 am

CEX ftw
---
Committee Member
 
Posts: 6694
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:20 am

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Pablo Spandangle » Tue Sep 13, 2016 11:49 am

I've been watching some stinkers on the horror channel recently.

Started watching Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre last night only to discover the whales were not doing the massacring. There weren't even any bloody whales. Shite.
Pablo Spandangle
 
Posts: 1869
Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:39 pm

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Bronshtein » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:07 pm

Icelandic Masterchef?
User avatar
Bronshtein
 
Posts: 7236
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 11:53 am
Location: The Promised Land

Re: Wank horror films

Postby An Absent Humphrey » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:43 pm

Not really a horror fan so I've watched very few.
I went to the cinema to see I Know What You Did Last Summer and I spent the first half hour laughing because I thought it was so poor that it had to be one of those pisstake horror films that were doing the rounds then.
The girl I was with kept looking at me funny because I was laughing and she thought I was disturbed.
We never had a second date.
Last edited by An Absent Humphrey on Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
An Absent Humphrey
 
Posts: 3250
Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:39 pm
Location: Limbo

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Duff » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:43 pm

It Follows is on Prime at the moment iirc. It's on my watchlist, along with The Witch. You sound a bit like my brother in law Steders. He's a total genre head as well. He'll watch anything horror, fantasy or scifi, no matter how shit (and by God, is most of it fucking terrible!) but he's never seen Casablanca, Shindler's List or Local Hero. He loved Cap America 2, but talking to him about it was bizarre, he didn't get any of the 70s conspiracy thriller references at all. Obviously I'm not directly comparing the two of you, I'm sure your film watching is far more varied than that, while he's not a complete cunt.
broney wrote:You weren't there man! How many stiles are there on the Offa's Dyke Walk? You don't know Man!


Image
User avatar
Duff
Associate Member
 
Posts: 5567
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:08 am
Location: Nr Brizel

Re: Wank horror films

Postby Hermit » Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:03 pm

Pablo Spandangle wrote:I've been watching some stinkers on the horror channel recently.


It is mostly shite on there. The Hammer films are always good to watch, though, but sometimes they have the odd nugget that's different.

The Gathering : Good film. Probably one of Christina Ricci's better ones. British made, low budget, but with a clever premise and a slight Wicker Man feel to it. Speaking of which...

The Wicker Tree : Pile of shite! Made by the same people that made Wicker Man that tries to retell the same story in a bad way. Even a small cameo by Christopher Lee couldn't save it. I think they tried crowdfunding to make a third movie - fuck me!
User avatar
Hermit
 
Posts: 1647
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:30 pm
Location: West Yorkshire

Next

Return to Movie Zone

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests