The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

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Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Macunaima » Tue Mar 31, 2020 6:08 pm

Ssanemund Freud wrote:
Macunaima wrote:Am I a bad man for thinking it would be God’s justice if every fag-bashing fuckhead who said “Thank God AIDS only kills queers” back in the day should, at the very least, spend a few weeks of their golden years constantly checking their airflow rate and worrying about who they shook hands with over the last few weeks?


No, you are a Bad Man because of a poor upbringing, combined with some fairly unpleasant life-experiences, leading to a raging narcissistic personality disorder and a secret desire for sex with whores sublimated into a bizarre career choice and a whackadoodle Selection of homeland.

That will be 50 marks please. next.


Pat, for a guy who feigns disgust and disdain at the fact that I work with people who sell sex, you sure go out of your way to write comments on Guardian articles about sex workers. So I’d be a bit careful tossing about accusations of sublimated desires and unpleasant life experiences, you Jens Voigt wannabe. :D

I discovered the one thing standing in the way of my career as a best-selling Trash Novelist - a sense of shame.


Go on, Pat! : D

If you want to go full Paltrow, might I suggest marketing healing crystal suppositories for bowel disorders? You get everyone that way. Tag line: “Now you know what to do with your crystals!”

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Ssanemax » Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:58 pm

Picador wrote:
Ssanemax wrote:
Paul Raymond wrote:Or maybe Linda Fist?
Or Fanny Squirter?


'Twatita O'Lovely' is already taken BTW. People will be reading more for the duration, so I am already 4 volumes into my rip-roaring saga of Love, Romance and Swashbuckling action set on the Wild East Yorkshire Coast. It's got it all - Epic Action, Adventure, love and lots and lotsa fucking.

I discovered the one thing standing in the way of my career as a best-selling Trash Novelist - a sense of shame. With some wonderful advice from Gwynny Paltrow I have worked through that and come out the other side a better person.



Does this mean you're going to be flogging fanny candles?


Sadly dear Gwynnie has already mined that particular seam, the cunning bitch, and a cruel nature denied me a vagina in any case . I am releasing a range of scented Incense sticks aimed at the TMP market called 'This is what Bullshit smells like' made of a mixture of cowdung and old Sawdust scented with the regretful tears of elderly fat sweaty American Men

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Picador » Tue Mar 31, 2020 3:27 pm

Ssanemax wrote:
Paul Raymond wrote:Or maybe Linda Fist?
Or Fanny Squirter?


'Twatita O'Lovely' is already taken BTW. People will be reading more for the duration, so I am already 4 volumes into my rip-roaring saga of Love, Romance and Swashbuckling action set on the Wild East Yorkshire Coast. It's got it all - Epic Action, Adventure, love and lots and lotsa fucking.

I discovered the one thing standing in the way of my career as a best-selling Trash Novelist - a sense of shame. With some wonderful advice from Gwynny Paltrow I have worked through that and come out the other side a better person.



Does this mean you're going to be flogging fanny candles?

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Ssanemax » Tue Mar 31, 2020 3:02 pm

Paul Raymond wrote:Or maybe Linda Fist?
Or Fanny Squirter?


'Twatita O'Lovely' is already taken BTW. People will be reading more for the duration, so I am already 4 volumes into my rip-roaring saga of Love, Romance and Swashbuckling action set on the Wild East Yorkshire Coast. It's got it all - Epic Action, Adventure, love and lots and lotsa fucking.

I discovered the one thing standing in the way of my career as a best-selling Trash Novelist - a sense of shame. With some wonderful advice from Gwynny Paltrow I have worked through that and come out the other side a better person.

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Paul Raymond » Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:28 pm

Or maybe Linda Fist?
Or Fanny Squirter?

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Ssanemack Lace » Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:25 pm

Bronshtein wrote:
Ssanemax wrote: I take it Maggie has a ne'er do well brother, and in chapter 3 the son of the Brutal Local industrialist bends her over a Whelking-Pot and pulls her on like an old sock?

Have you been hacking my emails?
That was the only bit Mills & Boon liked.
The Local Industrialist is revealed as her father, the son who is allergic to whelks dies in a traditional whelk boiling ceremony and she inherits the whole Shoddy shredding empire, but too late to save her brother from cockle addiction. She uses the proceeds to save traditional whelking from cockle picker incursions.


you just need to change your name to something more suitable and you will hit paydirt. May I suggest 'Dirk Thrust' or possibly 'Ivana Cock'

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Bronshtein » Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:12 pm

Ssanemax wrote: I take it Maggie has a ne'er do well brother, and in chapter 3 the son of the Brutal Local industrialist bends her over a Whelking-Pot and pulls her on like an old sock?

Have you been hacking my emails?
That was the only bit Mills & Boon liked.
The Local Industrialist is revealed as her father, the son who is allergic to whelks dies in a traditional whelk boiling ceremony and she inherits the whole Shoddy shredding empire, but too late to save her brother from cockle addiction. She uses the proceeds to save traditional whelking from cockle picker incursions.

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by General Paranoia » Tue Mar 31, 2020 11:57 am

Ssanemax wrote:
Bronshtein wrote:
JJCH Caminho das Arvores wrote:Bronny,

May I have permission to use that phrase? It occurs to me that when TNP finally falls over, someone will need to fill the forum vacuum to prevent the rest of them migrating to actual gaming sites. Bag of Whelks would be perfect, nicely sums up the IQ and relative mobility of the hardcore TNP rump.

Feel free as long as you acknowledge your indebtedness to my as yet unpublished masterpiece
'Love Among the Day Boat Whelkers' (Chapter 17 A Bag of Whelks for Maggie)


That's not Cartland, that's a classic Catherine Cookson set up, and I should know, she used to live next door to me almost, in Jesmond.

I take it Maggie has a ne'er do well brother, and in chapter 3 the son of the Brutal Local industrialist bends her over a Whelking-Pot and pulls her on like an old sock?



I believe in series 2 episode 5 of Out of Town, Jack Hargreaves got his description of how they used whelking socks incorrect :(

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Guesty » Tue Mar 31, 2020 11:53 am

JJCH Vilas do Atlântico wrote:You are Barbara Cartland and I claim the £200.


Love never died!

Re: The Sad Cunts with No Life Thread

Post by Ssanemax » Tue Mar 31, 2020 11:39 am

Bronshtein wrote:
JJCH Caminho das Arvores wrote:Bronny,

May I have permission to use that phrase? It occurs to me that when TNP finally falls over, someone will need to fill the forum vacuum to prevent the rest of them migrating to actual gaming sites. Bag of Whelks would be perfect, nicely sums up the IQ and relative mobility of the hardcore TNP rump.

Feel free as long as you acknowledge your indebtedness to my as yet unpublished masterpiece
'Love Among the Day Boat Whelkers' (Chapter 17 A Bag of Whelks for Maggie)


That's not Cartland, that's a classic Catherine Cookson set up, and I should know, she used to live next door to me almost, in Jesmond.

I take it Maggie has a ne'er do well brother, and in chapter 3 the son of the Brutal Local industrialist bends her over a Whelking-Pot and pulls her on like an old sock?

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